Not Your Emotional Support Animal: A Journey of Self-Preservation
- DARLING NIKKI
- Aug 7, 2025
- 4 min read
Updated: Dec 26, 2025
The Reality of Abandonment
Let’s get one thing straight: I was never in love with PJ after the breakup. We dated briefly during senior year in high school and into college. It ended. I didn’t chase. I didn’t crumble. We had a child under scandalous circumstances, and then I moved on. For years—literal years—he was a non-factor. No calls. No birthday cards. No child support. Just silence. For the most part, I was fine with that. I grieved the fairytale. I raised our daughter. I didn’t need him, and I damn sure didn’t beg him to show up.
Eventually, I gave him a grace-filled nudge. Again. Not for me—but for the sake of our daughter. I prompted a connection, hoping he’d rise to the occasion. Maybe he’d want to be present. Maybe he’d surprise us.
He didn’t.
He showed up just enough to snap a picture, post her online like some curated accessory, and then disappear again. You know the type—those “#GirlDad” Instagram daddies who play father of the year in pixels, but in reality? Crickets. Ghost. Irrelevant.
The Audacity of Emotional Bait-and-Switch
Then came the audacity. A few decades later, this man found himself in emotional shambles after learning his wife had cheated on him. And who did he call crying? Me. ME. Not his therapist. Not a friend. Not a frat brother. Not a pastor. But me—the woman he abandoned, the woman he left to parent alone, the woman who owed him nothing.
I was being asked to show up emotionally for a man who couldn’t even show up for the child we created together. And when I didn’t coddle him, he had the nerve to act shocked. He said—and I quote—“I just thought that since you’re the mother of my child, you’d always have that love for me.”
Sir. WHAT?
That’s not love. That’s delusion. That’s ego. That’s patriarchy whispering in your ear that the women you abandon will keep the light on for you like we’re some damn Motel 6.
The Burden of Emotional Labor
This isn’t just my story, though. This is what happens to women—especially Black women—all the time. We become emotional rehabilitation centers for men who’ve abandoned us, hurt us, ghosted us, disrespected us… and then remember us the minute they’re down bad.
And you know what? I’m not God, a therapist, or a trash woman—I don’t recycle people who treated me like I was disposable.
The only thing I owe him is the truth. Not softness. Not space. Not a seat at my table.
Because here’s the part people don’t want to talk about:
🌀 Emotional labor is real.
🌀 Women are conditioned to give it for free.
🌀 Black women are expected to do it while smiling.
According to studies by the American Sociological Review, women take on the majority of emotional labor in both personal and professional relationships, with little to no reciprocity. We carry the burden of listening, soothing, and validating—even when we’re the ones still bleeding.
Setting Boundaries for Self-Preservation
Let me be very clear: I am not your emotional support animal. I am not your unpaid therapist. I am not your redemption arc. I am not your friend.
The “love” I have is reserved—for me, for my children, for the people who’ve actually earned it with effort, accountability, and consistency.
What I gave you? Was grace. And even that was probably too generous.
This isn’t about bitterness. This isn’t about heartbreak. I’m not angry because you didn’t prioritize your only child. What I am is done with the narrative that mothers must stay emotionally available to the men who abandoned them on their post.
I don’t owe you softness. I owe my self peace.
So no, you cannot come here to cry about your broken marriage when you never showed up for the family you created. You cannot assume access to my energy because I once carried your child. You cannot treat my womb like a portal and my heart like a landfill.
I gave you my silence. Then I gave you a chance. Now I give you the door.
The Bigger Conversation
This story is part of a deeper conversation about boundaries, healing, and the emotional gymnastics women are done performing. I share it in full in my new podcast episode and video, where I talk about this surprise phone call, the emotional bait-and-switch, and how I handled it without losing myself.
📺 Watch the full story on the YouTube video and join the live chat: https://youtu.be/ALxutEFs34c
☕️ Sip tea like the Boss Babe that you are: https://bit.ly/NikkiMug
Do you think having a child with someone means you’ll always be emotionally connected to them?
0%Yes — there’s always some kind of bond
0%No — parenting doesn’t mean partnership
0%Only if BOTH parents are active and respectful
0%Whew… it’s complicated
Conclusion: Healing and Moving Forward
In conclusion, this narrative is more than just a personal experience. It is a call to action for all women to reclaim their emotional space. We must prioritize our own well-being and set boundaries that protect our peace. Emotional labor should not be a burden we carry alone.
Let’s stand together and advocate for our right to heal without the weight of others’ expectations. We deserve to love ourselves first.
🩶
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